now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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