I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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