we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
