you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
