I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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