omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
pray to the hookup gods
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
