She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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