Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
