after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I deserve this hangover.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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