dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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