New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
