I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
