They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
