Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize