Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize