Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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