fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need to stop coming to work sober
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
