I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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