My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
