Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
