Don't make out with my wife yet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize