I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
sex in a hospital.. check
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
