I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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