haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
