I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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