Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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