she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
