Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize