You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
