I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
