The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You have to summon your inner elephant
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize