why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
