i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
