I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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