mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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