maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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