I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
