So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
