omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
