I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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