If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
