What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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