Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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