I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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