well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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