Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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