I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
