i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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