Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize