so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
