I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
