did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
