it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
