Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
