she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
