I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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