Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
