in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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