end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
