you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize