last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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