and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
