Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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