I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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