New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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