I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
