everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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