somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
bring money and cleavage
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
