So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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