I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
