ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
