Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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