Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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