I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
