phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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