My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
