You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The uberlube is also flammable
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
