Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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