Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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