hell yes lets make some ravioli
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
