So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
