Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
