I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
