u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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