I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize