Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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