she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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