from now on my penis is your penis
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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