I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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