Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
