your thong is hanging out like whoa
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
