So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
