KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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