Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize