Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
