I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
