the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
