saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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