very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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