hotel room ftw
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
