Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
