Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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