Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
