At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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