I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
