the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
