You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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